Just when you thought the 2025 timeline couldn’t get any weirder—Jeff Bezos and his Blue Origin rocket factory decide to launch Katy Perry, Gayle King, and a glam squad of other famous women into space for a “historic” 11-minute suborbital cruise.
No, this isn’t satire. Yes, Emily Ratajkowski is as confused and irritated as you are. In a now-viral TikTok video, she labeled the mission “end times sh*t” and honestly, we’re with her. While the world burns (literally and metaphorically), six wealthy, camera-ready passengers blasted off into the upper stratosphere to “honor Mother Earth”… using a planet-killing rocket funded by one of Earth’s most prolific billionaire carbon-footprint collectors. The irony could be seen from orbit.
The Launch:
The NS-31 mission took off from Blue Origin’s spaceport in West Texas with a star-studded lineup including Katy Perry, Gayle King, Lauren Sánchez (Jeff’s better half), Amanda Nguyen, Kerianne Flynn, and Aisha Bowe. Bezos called it empowering. The internet called it Fyre Festival with zero gravity.
And while it was billed as a groundbreaking all-female flight, others saw it as a marketing stunt in a tin can that makes spirit airlines look like luxury. Let’s not forget—this isn’t the first time Blue Origin has caught flack. After the Titanic-bound OceanGate sub imploded last year, you’d think people might be a little more selective about cramming themselves into flimsy tubes of death built by billionaires with a God complex. But nope. Full speed ahead!
The Conspiracy Crowd, Assembled:
In true 2025 fashion, some viewers aren’t buying any of this. Conspiracy theorists lit up X with theories and slow-motion footage of the capsule door flinging open from the inside, making the whole thing look less like cutting-edge aerospace engineering and more like an escape room gone rogue. Some are even asking: was this all staged? Did Jeff Bezos pop out with a wrench like a space-themed Carvana delivery? The footage does little to quell the doubts.
The Backlash:
Critics weren’t shy, either. Emily Ratajkowski flat-out called it disgusting. Olivia Munn wondered aloud why billionaires keep launching pet projects into the sky while families can’t afford groceries. And let’s be honest—when a 10-minute ride to nowhere costs more than a small nation’s healthcare budget, it’s probably fair to raise a few eyebrows.
Meanwhile, On Earth…
We’re down here trying to get through Bike Week traffic and figure out which bar Jordan Redding is playing tonight. (Hint: it’s probably Kona.) And while we respect women in STEM and the occasional zero-gravity flex, we’re gonna go ahead and say the real “launch” you should care about is Welcome to Rockville—because you can win tickets in our app without having to hurl yourself 62 miles above Earth. No G-force training required.
Get Real, Stay Grounded:
If you’re looking for real excitement, skip the space cosplay and hit the Static Live Music Calendar App at StaticLive.app. We’ve got the hottest live music scene on Florida’s east coast—Daytona Beach, Ormond, Flagler, and New Smyrna. And yep, the Welcome to Rockville ticket giveaway is still live in the app. 
Also, if you’re trying to escape the matrix, head to LearnBitcoin.net. We’ve got crypto education, merch, and referral links that won’t send you to the moon—but might help you survive the next economic implosion.
